Vocaloid
by Sweet Jelly Hearts
Summary: Russia's voice is beautiful. They made it that way so he could be sold. To whom? None other than our own Yao Wang. Watch the two grow together, and their relationship change from casual companions, to close friends, to something even more... DISCONTINUED
1. My True Self, Pt 1

*This chapter is in Ivan's point of view when he is seventeen years old*

I suppose my memories start from when I first woke up. I remember feeling very tired, but a combination of being surrounded by bright white lights and the searing pain in my head and throat made sleeping again impossible. I tried to move, only to discover that my limbs felt like dead weights at my sides. The light was making my headache unbearable, so I closed my eyes in search of relief, but was rewarded with even more pain. It was agony. I couldn't think clearly, even when I heard people bustle next to me. I tried to focus when one of them spoke…

"Shit, shit! He's not supposed to be awake yet! What do we do?" Another voice followed:

"Pass me the sedative!" it said, tone urgent. I felt a pinprick in my arm, but the slight pain there was nothing in comparison to the state of my head and throat.

My muscles began to relax as the sedative took effect, but I still struggled to listen to the conversation going on over my head.

"How do you think this will affect the outcome?"

"I… I don't know. He'll probably be messed up somehow. I think this one was a failure. Put him up for a cheaper price when he wakes up, and warn the others that he might be dangerous."

"Y-yes sir…"

'What? I was… messed up?' I thought. 'Am I broken? What went wrong? Did he say something about others? What others? Others like me, I wonder?' My consciousness slowly started slipping away. I was being dragged into a comfortable darkness, and my thoughts became more and more jumbled until the only thing I was thinking was replaying over and over, like a mantra.

'What am I?'

* * *

><p>The next time I awoke I was in a different room. My head didn't hurt anymore, and neither did my throat. The fact that I wasn't dizzy when I opened my eyes was an added bonus. Actually, I felt better than I had in a while. Was I ever in that white room, or was that just a dream? I couldn't decide… it had been so realistic.<p>

Unlike the white room, this one was more reasonably lit by a fixture on the ceiling that seemed to double as a fan… either way, my eyes had no trouble adjusting. The walls were a calming shade of light blue, and there was a window interrupting the wall in front of me, giving me a view of a flower garden. This room was truly the opposite of the other.

"Oh, you're awake!" an unfamiliar voice said. I turned my attention to my left and was met with a kind-faced blond man with wire rim glasses. His eyes were a pretty violet color and currently smiled at me. He looked down at the clipboard he was holding. "You are in the HVL, also known as the Hetalian Voice Laboratories. I am Doctor Williams. You have just returned from a very important surgery, so I'm going to have to perform some tests on you, eh? Please stay still."

I did as the soft-spoken doctor said and became still like a statue while he felt around my throat and chest with his hands. While he did this, he asked questions every once and a while, like "Do you feel any stiffness in this area?" or "Does it hurt when I press here?" I answered no to these questions, because really, I felt great. Next, he took out a stethoscope and pressed it to different places on my upper back and chest while asking me to take deep breaths. Once again, I did as the doctor said. Seeming satisfied with my condition, he scribbled down some stuff on his clipboard while humming a soothing yet sad tune that I didn't recognize. Once I heard all the notes, I started to hum along while gazing out the window.

After a few minutes, I noticed that Doctor Williams had stopped humming and by this point I was making up my own tune. I blushed in embarrassment when I realized I was the only one humming and immediately stopped. The doctor just smiled at me sweetly and motioned for me to continue. "You know, you could think of words to go with the notes, and make a song! Wouldn't that be nice?" Doctor Williams suggested. I shrugged and nodded. I absently started humming again, this time trying to think of words to go with it. I was so distracted that I didn't notice at first when another man entered the room.

"Hey, Mattie! How's the patient doing?" I jolted at the sudden outburst that came from the door. I whipped my head around to see who had just entered, and saw a very pale, white-haired man with red eyes stride in. He had an intimidating air, but the scrubs patterned with cute yellow chicks he wore greatly took away from that intimidation. He slung an arm around Doctor Williams's shoulders and gave me a weird lopsided smirk. "Hey there, little guy! I'm Matthew's boyfrie—" Matthew shot a deadly glare at the nurse, who actually cringed a bit. "E-er… I mean, I'm Nurse Beilschmidt, Doctor Williams' assistant. But nurse sounds sissy, so you will address me as the Awesome Gilbert Beil—OOF! Mattie! What was that for?" Doctor Williams had elbowed Gilbert sharply in the side, who was trying to straighten up after the blow. "Fine… Just call me Gilbert and him Matthew…"

I simply stared at the two, trying to make sense of the exchange. Matthew pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation and sighed. "I apologize for my colleague's behavior. He can be a bit… eccentric at times."

"Aw, but that's why you love me, right?" Gilbert said, chuckling. Matthew blushed and looked away, but didn't deny what the white-haired man had said. He stammered the next time he spoke.

"A-anyway, we need to introduce you to the others now that you've recovered. They've been waiting for you for a while now." He helped me up out of the comfortable bed I had been lying in, out the door, and into the hallway. The hallway was short and the carpet was soft against my bare feet. I looked back at the door I had just come from and at the plastic nameplate set in the middle.

_-RUSSIA-_

I looked at some of the other doors and noticed they all had nameplates with countries on them as well. That was… interesting. I was about to ask why when we reached the end of the short hall and came into a large room with a few plush chairs and couches that people were sitting in. Everybody appeared to be my age, some even younger when I saw a pair of twins that appeared to be around fifteen years old sitting on a couch bickering about something. There were seven people chattering in the room if you didn't include me and the doctor. Matthew raised his hand and asked for everybody's attention, but he was mostly ignored. He sighed in frustration. That wasn't nice of everybody to just ignore somebody like that! I stepped forward and cleared my throat.

"Excuse me, everybody, I think it would be best for you all to pay attention to what Doctor Williams has to say, да?" I spoke over the crowd, trying to be as polite as possible. The room went dead silent, and everybody slowly turned to me. They all had similar expressions of surprise and fear. Wait, fear? Why were they afraid? I made a confused face, and stepped back behind the doctor shyly. I suddenly realized that being in a room full of strangers was a bit scary. I didn't know anybody, and I had no idea what they would think of me! I tried to smile at them, but I don't think it worked.

"Everybody, this is Russia. He is new here at HVL, so please be nice to him and treat him well!" Matthew said softly, but the room was silent so we could all hear him. I waved, letting them know it was me he was referring to. The twins on the couch hugged each other and looked to be near tears. My smile fell with my waving arm. I didn't want to be scary to anybody! Doctor Williams left then, leaving me to try and make friends by myself. I took a timid step into the room and tried introducing myself this time.

"Um… Hello! My name is Russia, apparently. I hope to make friends with all of you! May I please know all of your names?" The tension in the room seemed to relax, but only a little. To my surprise, one of the twins was the first to speak.

"H-hello, Russia. Um… I like friends! My name is Italy. This is my older twin brother, Romano!" he said, picking up and waving his brother's hand for him. This seemed to only irritate the older boy, as he yanked his arm back, glowering.

"Che! Bastard, I can introduce myself, you know!" Almost at once, the entire room chorused:

"Language, Romano!" I giggled at the obviously rehearsed line. This was an odd bunch, that was for sure. The mood seemed to greatly lighten after that, and introductions continued.

"Ahem… I am Germany…" a boy with slicked back blond hair and very blue eyes said uncomfortably.

"I'm America, and I'm a hero!" another blond my age said. Actually, he looked quite similar to Doctor Williams, just younger with slightly different hair.

"Would you shut up about that already, you git!" another boy said, this one with large, dark eyebrows and sandy blond hair. "Oh, excuse me. I am England. I'm sorry, I'm really one of the only true gentlemen here. I hope you bear with everyone else's antics in your stay here." I nodded at his apology, though I didn't really mind how everybody was lightly bantering like this.

An expressionless blond boy in glasses stood up just then holding the hand of a much shorter boy who was also blond. 'There are a lot of blond people here…' I noted. Everybody gave him their immediate undivided attention.

"M' name's Sweden. An' this's m' wife, Finland." he said gesturing to the boy whose hand he held. Finland blushed furiously at the taller blond's declaration.

"Sve! Don't be so blunt!" Finland cried. Sweden just looked down at him, confused (or at least as confused as an expressionless person could look). I giggled again, getting used to the sound. It felt nice to laugh. Soon the remaining tension dissipated and everybody was joining in the laughter at Finland's expense, including Finland himself.

"Russia! Don't just stand there! Come and sit with us!" America said, motioning to a chair in the room. I smiled and sat where he pointed, which was a chair between him and England. "So, what's _your_ voice like?" the loud boy asked.

The question took me off guard. My voice? Hadn't I already been speaking? "I'm sorry, what do you mean? I'm talking right now; this is what my voice is like, да?" America shook his head wildly.

"No! I mean your _singing_ voice! What does it sound like when you sing? Like, _I_ have really high range (Roderich says I'm a tenor), while Germany over there has a really deep voice. He's a bass." Germany blushed in embarrassment when he was mentioned. "So sing for us! What's your voice like?"

I hesitated at his strange request. "Why do you want to know? Does it even matter?" He just stopped and stared blankly at me.

"What?! Of course it matters! That's why we're here! That's why they gave you that surgery!" England shot. "Have they not told you anything?"

"No. Nothing." They all just kept staring at me in a peculiar way. "It is important? What they haven't told me?" Sweden answered me this time.

"Yeah. Our purpose here 's to sing fer th' people that come here. Some day we'll b' sold to someone rich that likes our singin'." He looked a kind of disappointed and clutched onto Finland's hand a bit tighter. "Some day we'll b' separat'd…" Finland gazed up at Sweden sadly.

"I think we had better leave. Come on, Sve." Sweden gave a shaky nod and followed Finland past me into the hallway where they entered a door that I assumed was theirs. Once they were gone I turned back to the group who were all looking away from me.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to upset anyone…" I apologized.

"No, I was the one who brought it up. I should be saying sorry." America interjected. "A hero isn't supposed to make anybody feel bad." He paused. "So now getting back to the subject… you don't have to sing right now if you don't want to. It was just a suggesti—"

"No, I'll sing," I said before he could finish. A sad America just didn't seem to fit. But then I realized that I didn't know what to sing! "But… I don't know any songs…" I admitted sheepishly.

"What about that one you were humming in your room?" Romano spoke up, then blushed when everybody stared at him. "N-not like I was listening or anything, bastards…" Italy's face lit up.

"Oh, see you _do_ know a song!" There were murmurs of agreement throughout the room. I raised my hands in surrender.

"I suppose… but it doesn't have any words yet…" Italy looked a bit disappointed, but perked up immediately.

"That's okay! You can still sing! Just do a few scales!" I tilted my head to the side, confused.

"A… scale? That has to do with singing?" Italy nodded an affirmation enthusiastically.

"Yup! Germany can demonstrate, can't you Germany? Your voice is so nice!" The mentioned blond blushed and averted his gaze at the compliment.

"W-well, I guess I could…" He stood up and cleared his throat before he started the scale.

_"Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do."_

The notes started out very low, but got higher at each interval. 'So that's all it is? I could do that!'

Italy was clapping happily and bound over to Germany to latch onto his arm, much to the chagrin of Romano. "Yay, Germany that was wonderful! See, Russia? Just like that. Now you try!" My lips twitched in a nervous smile, and I took a deep breath before trying the note Germany had started out on. I grimaced. It felt much too low and made me sound all gravelly. I adjusted the pitch and tried again. It felt more comfortable this time.

_"Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do."_ I finished the scale as Germany had, and looked at Italy expectantly. "Well?" He flashed a smile and gave me a thumbs up.

"That was beautiful, Russia!" I scanned the room and saw others agreeing with him. "Now can you go any higher?"

I repeated the scale two more times until I was straining my voice so much all that would come out was a high-pitched whine. I panted and flushed at the effort it took. "I think that's as high as I can go, да?" I said, embarrassed that they had heard my voice crack like that.

I heard clapping from behind me and I spun around to see a fancily dressed man with dark hair and glasses come in with Matthew and Gilbert. He walked forward and stuck his hand out for me to shake, so I did.

"Hello there, Russia. I came as soon as I heard you recovered. I am Roderich Edelstein, the instructor at this establishment. I see you have met the other residents," he said, inclining his head at my new friends before suddenly stopping in surprise. "Oh? Where have Finland and Sweden gone? I thought it was made clear for everybody to meet you in the Common Room…"

"No, I've met them! It's just, I brought up a touchy subject I think and they went to their room." Roderich quirked an eyebrow.

"Did it have to do with separation?"

"Yes."

Roderich seemed to understand then. "Ah, that would do it. Well! As wonderful as it is talking with you, it's time for dinner. Now, if you will please follow me I will show you the Dining Hall."

I exchanged a look with the rest of the group who immediately got up to trail behind as well.

* * *

><p>The Dining Hall actually turned out to be a classy cafeteria of sorts. There were a few rather large oak tables where people I assumed to be staff of the facility already sat eating their meals. One table was left untouched, however, and I figured that to be the residents'. There was a window where I saw a man with long wavy hair topped by a chef's hat handing food to the people in front of us in line. When I arrived at the window to receive food (at the mention of food before I realized just how starving I was), the man greeted me with a very stereotypical French laugh.<p>

"Oh, and what do we have here? You are the new voice, non? Mon cher, you are quite cute! My name is Francis Bonnefoy, the lovely chef and interior designer! Tell me; how are you liking it here so far? Is it not beautiful, like moi?"

Not knowing how to respond to the strange man's inquiries, I just made a point of being grateful for the food. The (French?)man seemed satisfied with the abrupt topic change and handed me the meal on a plastic tray which consisted of ham, mashed potatoes and corn. I quickly walked away from Francis who winked at me in a suggestive way. I shuddered at the thought of staying in the same building as that pervert before I finally sat down at the empty table.

"Bloody frog! Will you stop it with that stupid flirting you do with everybody?" England's voice came from across the room at the food window where he was waiting in line with America. Said bespectacled boy appeared to be a bit worried for his friend; that is, if you could ever get past the amused smirk on his face. England's outburst grabbed the attention of the twins and Germany, but everyone else in the Dining Hall didn't seem to pay any mind to it, almost as if it were a usual occurrence.

"Come now, mon cher England, you know it is in my nature to flirt with the cuties, non? Just like you. But…" At this, Francis leaned in to whisper something into England's ear that made him blush and discreetly look behind him to a very confused America. Glowering, he snatched his food from the window counter and snapped an insult weakened significantly by the stutter that he had very recently acquired.

Hmm… That was interesting. I briefly wondered if America had noticed that…

Soon everybody was sitting down to eat, chatting idly about the events of the day. Somewhere along the way, the conversation drifted to room assignments.

"So! Now that Russia is here, will he be sharing with Germany?" America asked through a mouthful of food. Germany, who hadn't been very engaged in the topic before, looked up from his potatoes at the mention of his name.

"Ve~, wouldn't that be great, Germany? You'll finally get a roommate!"

"Hm? Uh… Yes, yes. I'm fine with rooming with you Russia—"

"You won't be rooming with him, you potato bastard. Nobody is." Romano grumbled from beside Italy. It seemed that I was the only one that noticed him speaking besides Germany (as he was the one that was cut off) and even he simply went back to eating.

Romano was silent for the rest of dinner.

I learned that there was a two-hour free time period after dinner, so I spent mine wandering the halls trying to find the door that led to the garden I could see from my window. Eventually I found it and went outside for the first time since… well, I couldn't remember. Had anything happened before I wound up here? I felt like maybe I should be worried about not remembering my life leading up to today. Oh well. If it was anything important, I wouldn't have forgotten, would I? Maybe something bad had happened and forgetting it was preferable.

With that logic set in place, I continued to wander the garden. It was small and enclosed by the building, but still bursting with color at every turn I took on the little pebble path. The flowers were so beautiful… my favorites were definitely the large yellow ones that towered inches above my head. I reached out to pick one when I heard a loud, sorrowful cry from an open window. Curiosity piqued, I sneaked quietly to the window and looked inside to see…

Romano crying?

* * *

><p><em>AN: I've decided to try and rewrite/edit this story. Some aspects have changed, but nothing too major, in my opinion. I've changed Russia's age to 17, because it seems just a bit more realistic to me that way._


	2. My True Self, Pt 2

I almost did a double take, but somehow I knew my eyes weren't lying to me. Romano was quietly sobbing into his younger brother's shoulder, the latter wailing loudly.

"N-no, fratello, you can't leave! I won't let them take you away from me!" Italy cried. The older of the two fisted his hands into the fabric of his brother's clothes, trying to get him under control.

"I-it's not like you can do anything about it, idiot. Th-they bought me, so now I have to leave!"

I had a gut feeling that I shouldn't be watching this unfold, but I couldn't look away. It was like every muscle in my body had frozen and just couldn't thaw out properly. Luckily, it didn't look like the twins would be noticing me any time soon.

Just then the door opened, revealing Matthew, Gilbert, and another boy who looked to be around fifteen, like the twins. He looked like he was Spanish and had a giddy smile on his face, but it fell when he saw what was happening in the room.

"Um… Should we really be in here? I think we interrupted something…" the stranger said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. Gilbert came in and separated the two, holding them both by the collars of their shirts. Italy whimpered and wiggled around to try and get free while Romano let out a loud stream of curses in both English and Italian, struggling with all his might. Eventually he gave up and went limp in Gilbert's grip.

"Now Romano, you know better than to use that sort of language in front of guests, especially your new owner. This is Antonio. You will be going home with him. Please be nice to him, eh?" Matthew told him in a kind yet stern voice. "Now, if Gilbert lets you go, do you promise to behave and not run off?" Romano didn't answer, but the doctor seemed to take that as a yes. He nodded at Gilbert who released him. Almost immediately he scrambled to get out the door, but Antonio caught him before he could make it across the threshold.

"Aw! But Matthew specifically asked you _not_ to run off! I know you don't like leaving all of your friends, but I promise it's really fun at my house! We have lots of board games that we could play together, and you get your own room, and I can cook you whatever you want, and—"

Antonio was cut off by a head-butt to the stomach that looked very, very painful. He doubled over, a hurt smile on his face.

"CHIGI! LIKE HELL I'LL GO WITH YOU, YOU STUPID SPANISH BASTARD! WIPE THAT RETARDED GRIN OFF YOUR FACE, I'M NOT SETTING FOOT OUTTA HERE!"

"A-ahaha! So mean… Come on, Roma, please? You don't really wanna spend the rest of your life here, do you? Nothing exciting will ever happen! Gil, help me!" the Spaniard pleaded, looking in the direction of the albino. Gilbert smirked and nudged Italy forward.

"You sure you want _that_ one? Italy's better behaved, and so is pretty much everybody else here."

"No, I told you that my parents can only afford Romano. Besides, he's so cute! Why would I want anyone else?" Gilbert just rolled his eyes.

"Mein gott, you are so fucking weird, you know that? Even Francis thinks so, and that can't be a good thing…" He smirked and went to grab hold of Romano once again. "Come on, buddy, it's time to go. Say goodbye to your brother," the albino said as he started walking out the door, dragging Romano and releasing Italy. The younger just fell to the floor in defeat.

"R-Romano… I-I… I'm sorry. Please, just… try not to get into trouble, okay? I'll be alright, really! I have Germany to make sure I'm okay! A-and Antonio?" He addressed the teen about to turn his back who spun back around to let Italy know he was listening. "You'll take care of fratello, right?"

Antonio beamed down at the worried boy and bent down to pat him on the head. "You don't have to worry about a thing, mi amigo! I will take good care of your brother!" Italy seemed to like this answer and sniffled, smiling up at the kind Spaniard.

"Italy… You're just going to give up? Just like that?! Get off your ass and save me, idiota! They're taking me away, can't you see that?! Don't do this to your own brother, come on!"

I could hear Romano ranting all the way to the hallway, even after Matthew shut the door behind them. Italy straightened up, his back to me looking down at the floor. He sat like that for a solid five minutes.

"Russia…" I jolted when he suddenly said my name. "I know you're there. You saw the whole thing, didn't you?" He said it in a flat tone; not really a question, just confirming what he already knew. I took this as an invitation to come in, so I popped the screen out of the window and climbed through from the garden outside. Once I was in, the boy on the floor patted the space next to him. I sat down and finally looked at his face.

His face was flushed, eyes red and puffy from the tears he had shed. I couldn't read the expression he wore. It wasn't sad, it wasn't angry, it was just… nothing. Like the events that had just transpired had ripped something from his very being. I guess they did, in a way.

"Russia, do you understand what just happened? Why Romano was taken away from us? It wasn't a bad thing, so don't be angry with Matthew and Gilbert. It's just… hard when you live with someone for so long and then they disappear." He paused and tilted his head to the side, as if he was listening to something in the distance, then continued. "It will happen to all of us eventually, so it's no good to be sad about it. We need to move on and put this whole thing behind us… Russia, when this happens to you, I want you to be happy with whoever picks you. Be nice to them and keep them company. Sing extra special for them, okay?"

How was he already over this? I thought he would be upset for a long time about losing someone so precious to him. I noticed he was still waiting for an answer, so I hastily nodded my head.

"Да! I will. I will try my best." I said nervously. The new serious Italy had put me on edge. "Um… Do you think you should go see Germany and tell him what happened?"

He stared off into space for a few more moments before absently nodding his head. "… Yeah, I guess so. We'll be sharing a room from now on, after all…" With a great sigh, Italy stood up and opened the door before looking back at me. "You might wanna get back to your room. Free time is almost over, and it'll be lights out soon." I was surprised when I looked out the window to see that the sun had indeed set while I was engrossed in eavesdropping. I got up off the floor as well and followed the lonely twin through the hall until I was at my own door. We said our goodnights and I entered my light blue room for a restless night's sleep.

_Everything is so bright… the light is blinding me. Am I… in the white room again? No, it's cold. Too cold. Oh, that's why, it's snowing… Huh? There's someone over there…_

_ "Hello? Where am I?" Oh! They turned to me. His face is so hard, and he has a mustache. That outfit he has on looks so warm… maybe if I ask nicely he will give me something warm to wear! "May I have something warm to wear, please?"_

_ "No. You will endure the cold." Aw, that's too bad. My fingers are getting numb, too._

_ "What is your name, mister?"_

_ "I am the personification of your darkest and innermost thoughts. My name is General Winter. Your weak mind is troubled from the events of the day." Oh, so he's my… thoughts? He seems a bit rude… "Do not listen to your friend. You are not worthy of the people with enough money to buy a Vocaloid. Nobody would consider you for a purchase; you're simply not good enough, and you never will be." He's very rude…_

_ It's getting so cold. Why won't the snow stop falling? Why can't I feel my hands and feet? Why does it feel like I'm worthless all of a sudden? Surely what this man is saying isn't true… is it?_

_ "What does it feel like to be useless, pathetic scum? How does it feel to be unloved?" Why is he making me feel so bad about myself? What did I ever do to hurt him? Ah… I'm crying, and the tears are freezing on my cheeks. So cold… Stop it…_

_ "Stop saying that!"_

_ "Why should I? It's true, isn't it?" No, it's not true. That can't be right. My fingers… ice is crusting over them. My legs won't support me anymore. The snow on the ground is so freezing against my face._

_ "No… it's not true…" My voice sounds so weak._

_ "Why are you wasting space? Still purposelessly breathing air that could be put to better use by someone else? You make me sick." Ow… Don't kick me like that… don't torture me. Just let me freeze to death in peace… "Do you want to die? Do you hate yourself now?" I can't think straight… everything is bright and cold and painful. General Winter, why are you doing this to me? Don't make me want to die…_

_ "I-I… Please…" My whisper is being swept away by the wind. "I… I want to live…"_

_ "You're just making yourself and everyone around you suffer, can't you see that?" My heartbeat is slowing down… It feels like there's ice trying to pump through my veins instead of blood. I'm so cold, just… so… cold…_

_ "P-please… let me d-die… in peace. I c-can't take it." I'm sleepy all of a sudden… maybe if I rest a little bit… the pain will go away…_

_ "Do you finally understand, brat? Do you understand that you need to die?"_

_ "Y-yes. P-please, just kill me already…" Thank you…_

_ BANG!_

I bolted upright from the hell of a terrifying dream. What was _that_? Some sort of insane, subliminal message my subconscious was trying to send me? General Winter… he told me to die. He told me I was useless… and I _believed_ him! I actually asked him for my death! Why would I ever do that? Maybe it was because of the traumatizing events yesterday that my dream turned out the way it had.

Everything was just so confusing right now. Nothing was making sense… maybe getting through a second day would make things better. I rose from the bed and looked down at myself. I was still wearing the same clothes from yesterday… I hadn't exactly been paying attention before, but now that I got a good look around at my room, I saw a wardrobe in the corner that I presumed had clothes in it. I strode over to it and opened the doors in a swift motion. As expected, there were the basic undergarments and some simple shirts and pants. I put something on at random and wandered down the hall to the Common Room.

It was not a friendly greeting.

The moment I stepped into the open room, the quiet chatter that had been taking place between everyone was silenced. I was reminded of my first day yesterday…

"Russia… how could you?" It was America who spoke to me with teary eyes. I didn't understand. How could I what? What did I do wrong?

"Ah, I'm sorry… what did I do?"

Finland stepped forward, hands held up defensively. "Now America, I'm sure it wasn't completely his fault. Maybe he just—"

"NO! There is no excuse for what he did!" America insisted. I was starting to get intimidated by the increasing volume of his voice.

"What did I do?"

America shook his head slowly. "No… It's not what you did. It's what you didn't do. You _saw_ Romano getting taken away! You were actually there! You could've done something about it, stopped them, anything! Instead you just watched as our friend was forced out of his home! At least Italy tried. How could you be so worthless at his time of need?"

My breathing hitched at that one word. _Worthless._ Flashes of the previous night's painful dream ran rampant through my head, and suddenly I felt sick. So… he thought so, too? I really was useless, worthless, unimportant? I stared back at everyone, their faces full of sadness and pity at me. It must be true then.

I didn't respond to America's accusation. I just turned on my heel and sprinted for my room as fast as possible. I had to get away from these people. These people who saw no good or use in me. Once in my room I slammed the door behind me and opened the window to the garden outside, not bothering with finding the proper exit again. I followed the path to the patch of towering yellow flowers and crouched among their stems until I thought myself well-hidden.

I sat there in the fetal position for a long while, watching the sun slowly rise and warm the earth. By noon time I was starting to get really hungry, but I ignored my growling stomach. Unfortunately, it was this sound that gave away my position.

I heard Gilbert coming towards me on the gravel path, so I held my breath to keep him from hearing me, but my stomach chose that time to rumble especially loudly in its cry for something to eat. I cursed to myself when I noticed the footsteps stop in front of my hiding place.

"Russia? Are you back there?" I didn't answer, but my stupid stomach wouldn't stop making noise! Gilbert parted the sunflowers and crawled through to get to me. "There you are! We've been worried sick about you, kid!" He reached his hand out and grabbed me by the wrist. "C'mon. Somebody's already here to look at you!" I just got up and followed him blindly, not really caring anymore. He was surely lying about people worrying about me, but I didn't comment.

We arrived at a room I had never seen before.

"Okay buddy, you stay here and I'll let them know I found you." Gilbert sat me down on the floor while he went inside. I heard muffled exclamations of "oh, you found him!" and "where was he?" After they calmed down, Gilbert came back to fetch me with a huge smile on his face. "All right! The guy in here wants to listen to you sing. Doesn't matter what, just do awesomely!" I entered the room. It was a small office, complete with a desk and chairs. I was met with Matthew and somebody I didn't know who was sitting down. The boy(?) was Chinese with long dark-brown hair tied back into a ponytail and casual clothes. He quirked an eyebrow at my entrance.

"This is him, aru?" Matthew nodded.

"Yes, this is Russia. He just fully recovered yesterday, so he hasn't had any vocal training as of yet. Russia, this is Yao Wang. He is the young man interested in meeting you, so say hello." I politely held my hand out for him to shake and smiled when his small hand was completely enveloped by my larger one.

"Hello there, Yao. My name is Russia. I hope we get to know each other, да?" I said, trying to keep the strain and hurt from the recent trauma out of my voice. It worked, and Yao smiled up at me.

"Yes, it is nice to meet you, too, aru," he said. After a moment, he looked down at my hand, still holding his. I noticed and snapped my hand away, embarrassed. He just smiled again and chuckled. "Well, are you going to sing for me?" he asked. I nodded and cleared my throat, planning on just doing a scale, when something echoed in the back of my head… a tune. It was the song Matthew was humming yesterday that I improvised on! And suddenly… it felt like I knew the words to it now… they weren't happy words, but it wasn't a happy song, either, so I guess it fit. I closed my eyes and let the lyrics come to me from my heart and all my emotions from the past day.

_Why does my heart so tired from crying?_

_ Why do I hate myself so much?_

_ The people that walk past are scolding…_

_ Are they upset with me?_

_ Why am I breathing?_

_ If only I could just stop breathing pointlessly._

_ "Someone please help me,"_

_ My heart yells out in loneliness_

_ Even if I pretend to be tough,_

_ I want somebody to find me soon…_

I stopped singing when I saw the three staring at me with wide eyes. Gilbert had a look of shock on his face, while Matthew looked like he was about to cry. Yao just kind of looked at me with some sort of fascinated sadness (if that was possible).

"Is that… Is that really how you feel? Russia, tell us, please?" Matthew said sounding concerned. I didn't respond to him. I was too transfixed with what Yao would do and say now that he knew I was messed up. Clearly it wasn't normal for people to sing songs like this. Aren't you supposed to clap when you like a song? So this meant that nobody in this room liked my song, and since Yao didn't like my song he won't buy me, and if he won't buy me who will? What if I have to live here forever where everyone hates me-?

"How much is he?" Yao interrupted my train of thought. Did he really… just ask for my price? As in he was thinking about buying me? Why? I was worthless, right?

Gilbert withdrew a folder from the desk and looked over its contents. After flipping through it, he rattled off a fairly large number. Yao nodded and took out a cell phone and flipped it open.

"Excuse me; I need to let my little brother know about this, aru." With that he pressed a button and held the phone to his ear. The other line rang only twice before it was picked up and I heard the other person say something that sounded like "moshi moshi." Yao immediately began to converse with the other in something like Chinese. I didn't understand anything, but I did hear my name thrown in a couple of times. Eventually the chat was over and Yao closed the phone with a snap. He then got out a checkbook and scribbled something inside, then ripped the note out and handed it to Matthew. I saw that it was patterned with little pink Hello Kitties, and I had to hold back a chuckle.

"You do accept personal checks, right?" he asked, and Matthew nodded and took the check. Yao then turned to me and smiled. "Looks like you're coming home with me, aru! How do you feel?"

How did I feel? After being brought into this strange place surrounded by doctors and nurses and kind people like me named after countries, then watching Romano get literally dragged away with his brother crying after him, having a horrific nightmare in the freezing cold where I asked General Winter for my own death after making me feel utterly worthless, only to wake up and get called worthless again by the people I thought were my friends, and now I'm going to get bought by this nice Chinese boy my age and not be missed at all unlike Romano because everybody resents me, all in the course of two days, how did I feel? To be absolutely honest…

"Great. Thank you for choosing me!" I finally responded, breaking out in a brilliant, ecstatic smile. My heart was doing flip-flops in my chest at this feeling of being needed, of somebody actually wanting me despite what General Winter told me. I wanted to hug Yao and thank him over and over for getting me out of this place where I wasn't wanted.

Yao seemed puzzled by my reaction, but pleased nonetheless. "Do you want to say goodbye to your friends? You can if you want—"

"No!" I said a little too quickly before realizing it. "Er, I mean, it's okay. Can we go now?"

This seemed to confuse Yao even more, but he didn't comment on it.

"Thank you, Doctor Williams. I'll be taking him home now. Take care, aru."

"You too, Mister Wang. If you have any problems with him just come see us. Goodbye!"

And so, I was led out of the institution by my new master. No… friend.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Chapter two, edited. Very slightly, but still edited. I really hate my old writing style..._

_~Jel_


	3. Goodnight Lullaby For My Master

We walked through the building without seeing anybody else, meaning nobody would have to know I was actually leaving until I was really gone. It was a silent walk, but it was fine because it wasn't awkward. It was actually all very exciting. What kind of car did Yao drive? Or maybe did he have his own chauffeur? What was his house like? Was it big and elegant like I pictured rich people's homes to look like? All of these were questions I couldn't wait to get answered.

Finally we arrived at the front entrance (another door I had never seen) that led out to something similar to a circular driveway that branched off in two ways: the first into the street and the second into a parking lot. Looking back at the institution, I noticed, it actually looked like a very large house.

Yao opened his phone again and dialed a number. This time when the line was picked up he spoke in English.

"Hello, I would like a taxi sent to 9264 World Drive, please… Yes. Thank you." He then hung up.

He was calling a cab? But why? He was rich, right? Didn't rich people ride in limousines?

We walked up to the end of the drive on the side with the street where I assumed the cab would come to pick us up. He sat down on the curb and I followed suit, watching the cars drive along the street. I was starting to get uncomfortable with not talking to him, so I decided to break the silence.

"So… your younger brother. What is his name?" I asked. He looked over to me and answered:

"Kiku. He's actually more of a half-brother, because he had a different mother, aru. See, my father wasn't exactly faithful and after my mother found out he had a child with another woman a few months after I was born, she divorced him. Kiku's mother died giving birth to him, so my father was forced to take him in, aru. When we turned 13, though, my father died in a plane crash on his way to a meeting. My mother didn't want us, so I used the money left to me when my father died to support ourselves. He was pretty well off, so I won't be needing a job anytime soon, aru."

Well then. That answered many questions… Except of course…

"So if you're rich, why don't you have a chauffeur, or a limo or something to come pick you up? Why did you call a cab?" I asked, confused as ever. Yao just shook his head with a little grin that said "oh, silly, isn't it obvious?"

"To be truthful, I like to live simply. Why should I have a huge house when only two- excuse me, three, now- people are living there, aru? It seems like a bit of a waste. It's the same for renting limousines. It's too extravagant. I've saved much of my father's money away to pay for mine and Kiku's education, and the rest goes towards paying for the house and food and such. That's not to say that Kiku and I don't splurge every once in a while. Just last month, for instance, Kiku got back from a trip to Greece with his friend from school, Heracles. He comes over to play sometimes, but he's not going to be there today I don't think, so you won't be able to meet him, aru."

I let all of this sink in for a moment. Yao was obviously the type of person who went really in-depth with his answers and conversations. This was nice. It was something I wasn't used to, but still nice. All of the explanations at the voice place were so vague. Especially how I got there, which was never explained at all now that I thought about it…

Just then, a yellow car pulled up and stopped in front of us, so I figured it must be our ride. Yao stood and opened the back passenger door and got in, and I followed.

"Where to, kids?" the driver asked from the front seat. Yao gave the man his address and soon we were off down the road.

Yao's house was further away than I thought. It took nearly forty-five minutes before we finally turned into a suburban neighborhood with average one-story houses. We stopped in front of one of those average houses. It was made of brick with a carefully tended-to flower garden in the small front lawn. It actually looked pretty well taken care of for only two teenagers living in there.

"Here we are! Thank you sir, aru. This will be enough, right?" Yao said as he passed a few bills over the seat to the driver. He just nodded and motioned for us to get out of his car. We complied, and I watched as he drove away. Yao led me up the walk to the front door and unlocked it before opening it.

"Kiku, I'm back! And I brought Russia!"

To both mine and Yao's surprise, a sleepy-looking guy in a white tee-shirt walked out of a door. Surely this wasn't his brother... right?

"Hm... you brought... the country of Russia? I knew you were wealthy, Yao, but... Russia?"

Yao looked taken aback. "Eh- no! Russia is a person! He's right here..." he pointed at me "That's just his name, aru."

The stranger seemed to comprehend a bit. "I see... Perhaps... his name should be changed to avoid confusion..." he said with a yawn.

"I suppose, aru... wait a minute, why are you here, exactly?"

"Kiku... invited me over to meet someone... That someone is Russia... right?"

"Yes, I suppose it is, aru. Where is my little brother, Heracles? I would like for him to meet Russia, too."

"He's in his room... I'll go get him..." With that, the boy went back into the room he'd come from. Once he was gone, I turned to Yao with my question, but he was already answering before I could ask.

"As you probably already figured out, that's Heracles, Kiku's friend. I wasn't expecting him to be here, aru. Sorry about that."

"He said my name was confusing, da? Should I get a new one?" I asked. Yao seemed baffled.

"Why would you want a new name? Isn't Russia fine?"

"Not if it's confusing to people. I don't really think Russia is even my real name. I just woke up after the surgery and they told me my name was Russia. I would... like a new name, da."

"... Really? Well, I guess, but we can do that later, right? Right now you should meet Kiku-"

"Nii-san? Is Russia here?" The soft voice came from the door. A small Japanese boy came out with Heracles trailing lazily behind. This must have been Kiku... He looked to me with a blank face. "Ah, you must be him." He bowed. Um... yeah. "It is very good to make your acquaintance, Russia-kun."

"Eh... Likewise, Kiku." I responded, not really sure how to react to someone bowing to me... He seemed to be very formal about things.

"We were just on the topic of Russia's name, aru. He says he wants a new one. What do you two think?"

"Well... I was the one to suggest it... so I think it's a good idea... Kiku? What do you think?"

Kiku kept his blank face on. "I don't see a problem with it. What would Russia-kun like his name changed to?"

I thought for a moment. While I did want a new name, I couldn't think of one off the top of my head...

"Perhaps something that still has to do with Russia, since I'm so used to that name, and I think I might actually be Russian... What is a popular name in Russia? Or maybe a great man from Russia..."

"There was a man who ruled Russia while it was still in the Czar Era. People called him Ivan the Great. What do you think of that, aru?"

Ivan... I thought it fit. Now for a last name...

"Braginski."

"What's that, aru?"

"Braginski will be my last name, da!"

Nobody objected, and so my new name was Ivan Braginski.

"Ivan! Come here, look at this, aru!"

One week later, we were in the garden. I'd gotten settled in for the most part. Yao took me clothes shopping so I wouldn't have to wash the clothes from the HVL over and over again. Sleeping arrangements proved a bit challenging at first. There were only two bedrooms in the house, and while I insisted to sleep on the couch, Yao wouldn't have any of it. We wound up sleeping together in his bed every night.

The only bad thing was that General Winter still haunted my dreams. He was always there in that same freezing place, repeating the same thing over and over again. He said I was useless in the nastiest of ways, but I never begged for death again as I had the first time. Yao had proven to me that I wasn't worthless, and that I was needed by at least someone. My heart swelled at the thought…

I looked up from the weeds I was pulling and saw Yao waving me over. I straightened up and went to where Yao was sitting at an empty patch in the flower bed. He held in his cupped hands a few black seeds that he seemed to be really excited about me seeing.

"Yao-Yao, what kind of seeds are those?" I asked, sitting on the ground next to him. He answered by withdrawing a brightly colored seed packet with a picture of sunflowers on it.

"These are sunflower seeds, aru. I remembered that you were hiding the day I came to see you; Nurse Beilschmidt said he found you in the sunflower patch, so I figured you must like them. Look; we can plant them and take care of them until they grow big and tall, aru! They'll be so pretty…" he said with a bright smile, and seeing that smile made my heart feel funny in my chest. "Come on, help me plant them, aru." he continued and took my hand in his, opening it and dropping some seeds into the palm.

"We are planting them here, da?" Yao nodded his head yes, so I poked a hole in the dark soil with my finger and plopped a seed in. I smoothed some dirt back over it and did the same thing a little ways next to it. Yao joined me, planting his seeds the same way.

"These sunflowers will take a while to grow, aru. They probably won't even bloom for the first few years, but that's okay. Even if they die down during winter, they'll come back in the spring. Isn't that nice? That's what's called a perennial plant, something that keeps blooming year after year, aru." Finished with the seeds, Yao brushed his hands off and tried to pick at the dirt that had gotten under his nails. This lasted for a few moments before he eventually gave up. "Now once we water them we'll be done, aru." he said and retrieved the watering can, upturning the spout so a light sprinkle of water fell over the patch of seeds. I watched the soil greedily soak it all up.

"There. All done, aru! Now let's go inside and get cleaned up. I'll bet Kiku has already started dinner, aru."

We went inside and washed the dirt off of our hands and arms and met Kiku in the kitchen where he was, as Yao had predicted, cooking dinner for us. He nodded at us in acknowledgment when we entered.

"Nii-san, Ivan-kun. How did the gardening go?"

"It was great! Yao-Yao and I planted sunflower seeds together! And they are... perennials, da! So they'll keep coming back every year." Kiku smiled and stepped away from the kitchen counter with a plate full of food in hand.

"That's nice to hear. Dinner is finished if you would like to eat now." The three of us gathered around the table then and had a good meal cooked by Kiku, as was normal I had learned. Soon we were all full and content to get ready for bed.

It stormed that night.

It was the first time I had ever experienced a storm with Yao, and I learned something very important.

Yao was afraid of thunderstorms.

It wasn't an easy thing to spot, his fear of storms, but I noticed that after every clash of thunder, he cringed, if only just a bit. At first I didn't know what to make of it. Did Kiku know about this fear? Would Yao ask for comfort, or would he try and brave it out? Should... should _I_be the one to comfort him?

We were just settling under the covers when a particularly loud crack of thunder sounded, shaking the whole house. This time it was obvious when Yao jumped and made a small "eep!" noise, clutching at the sheets until his knuckles turned white.

I couldn't take any more of this. Yao was obviously terrified, I had to do something!

I took his shaking hands in mine and eased the sheets out of his grip, whispering: "Yao-Yao, it's just a storm, it' okay, da?" This didn't seem to help much as now he was gripping my hands with surprising strength for such a small person. What was I supposed to do now? "Yao-Yao, what can I do to make you not scared?"

He didn't respond at first, but after a moment he seemed to come to his senses and mumbled something in response.

"Ahah... I must seem so weak right now... I'm sorry, this is all my fault... but... W-will you... will you sing me a lullaby, aru? Nobody ever sang to me when I was little..."

A lullaby? Was that all? I could do that...

I hummed out a tune I thought would be a good melody while I gently tried to pry his fingers from their death grip on my hands. I found that _I _didn't want to let go, though, so I sneaked my arms around his shoulders, feeling him greatly relax in my hold. Soon I had finished making up the words and I sang Yao's lullaby.

_Today __is __ending_

_ And silently the morning begins_

_ Your tired body relaxes_

_ And slowly eases to sleep_

Yao's eyes fluttered a few times, and finally closed, but he was still trembling a bit. I held him tighter and smoothed his hair in slow strokes as I continued into the next verse.

_From __the __first __time __I __met __you_

_ The profile that you show to me_

_ Always has its eyes fixed on the morning_

_ With eyes full of determination_

_ There is no need to beat anyone_

_ Surely there is somebody_

_ Who loves you..._

By this point, Yao was breathing peacefully in and out, a sure sign that he was asleep, but I still continued my song.

_You __are __breathing __very __slowly_

_ I wish to see your sleeping peaceful face_

_ Tomorrow too_

_ Resting quietly_

_ I live to sing with you_

_ On the rainy days where nothing goes right,_

_ "It is my fault" you say_

_ And smile at me_

_ Don't be so hard on yourself_

_ Because I am very happy_

_ Even if they are not accomplished_

_ Dreams are beautiful_

_ Without a single cloud_

_ I want to see your sincere shining smile_

_ Tomorrow again,_

_ Resting quietly_

_ For tomorrow... goodnight._

Yao's face was the picture of serenity, eyes closed in contentment and a small smile twitching on his face even in his sleep. I couldn't help but smile too as he snuggled into my side. My heart was drumming a hundred miles a minute against my ribcage at the contact; I thought Yao would hear it and wake up. He never did; just sighed and nuzzled closer to me. I felt so... happy. My heart was soaring at this sensation. I was intoxicated with the smell of the peony shampoo he used, and my eyes slipped closed.

Thunder rumbled in the distance, but the storm was over. All was calm and I whispered the last words of the lullaby into Yao's ear before falling asleep.

_Goodnight, __master..._

That night for the first time General Winter didn't appear in a nightmare. Instead I dreamed of Yao and me walking hand in hand through a field of sunflowers on a warm sunny day…

* * *

><p><strong>AN: *head essplodes*<strong>

**SO! You lucky ducks, you, you get to meet Heracles, too! I wasn't planning his introduction in this chapter at first, but then I was like, "Oh, what the heck?"**

**I also want to thank the reviewers so far for the positive feedback you've given this story! It really motivates me to write faster!**

**NEXT CHAPTER: Yao goes to school, but Ivan has to be left behind T^T**


	4. All By His Lonesome

"Yao-Yao, come look! The sunflowers are sprouting, da!" I crouched over the little green sprigs poking out of the ground in fascination. It was amazing how something so big as a sunflower could start out so small!

"That's great, Ivan! Let me see how they're doing, aru." Yao came over and squatted next to me to scrutinize the saplings. It had only been three days since we planted them, and they were already getting such a good start. "Looks like that storm the night we planted them kept them nice and wet. We shouldn't have to water them for another day or so."

I rose back up to my full height and offered him a hand to get up, which he took and I pulled him up with me. Brushing my hands off on my clothes, I looked up at the sky, which was starting to become stained with the reds and pinks of evening. Yao noticed my gaze and looked up, too, a smile gracing his features.

"Pretty, isn't it, aru?" he sighed. I almost said "Not as pretty as you," (Because really, with every passing day I saw how beautiful he was. Like right now, with the light from the sunset making his skin glow in different colors, and the way his lips were upturned just so into a smile that I loved, and his long ebony hair lifting gently with the breeze…) but caught myself when I thought about how absurd that would have sounded to him coming from me.

"Da, it is~!" I said instead.

"It makes me a bit sad, though... The days won't always be this long, and soon Kiku and I will have to go back to school, aru…"

I jolted at this news. School? As in leaving me and staying away for seven hours every day? No, I couldn't let that happen!

"What do you mean, school? I want you to stay home with me, da!" I pleaded. "I'll get lonely!"

Yao was taken aback by my outburst, but he stood his ground. "I'm sorry, Ivan, but I can't just drop out, aru. I need to get a good education so I can eventually go to college and get a job. My father's money isn't going to last forever, you know."

I knew what he was saying was true and for the best, but I didn't want to believe it. I got upset with him.

"No! You can't leave me here! I won't let you!" I knew I was acting like a child, but I didn't care at this point. I was grasping at straws trying to find a way to get him to stay.

"Ivan, no." Yao said, tone suddenly cold and threatening. I cringed. I'd gotten Yao mad at me... "I need to go to school, and you need to stay home and be good. That's final." With that, he turned and stormed into the house. I gave the sky one final look before following solemnly.

* * *

><p>Kiku made dinner as usual, and the three of us sat down at the table together, as was normal. However, tonight nobody participated in the usual light chatter to fill in the silence. I could feel the tension still going on between Yao and me. I knew that Kiku could probably sense the mood between us, but he didn't comment on it. Instead he went on eating as if there was nothing wrong.<p>

"I'm finished, aru. Thank you for the meal, Kiku." Yao said and tried to get up, but Kiku stopped him.

"Nii-san, can I speak to you for a moment?" he asked in an urgent tone. Yao just nodded and looked to me.

"Ivan, please clear the table and wait for me in our room, aru." he said, and Kiku led him into his bedroom. I lingered behind and did as I was told in the kitchen before returning to our room.

Five minutes passed. Then ten. I was beginning to get impatient. Were they talking about me? Was I in trouble? When was Yao coming back?

Just when I started thinking about going to check on him, Yao entered the room. He looked uncomfortable with whatever was on his mind.

"Ivan... I told Kiku what happened and... I'm sorry I snapped at you like that, aru. It was rude of me, and I apologize that I made you feel bad." Yao was... apologizing? For what? _I _was the one who had been acting childishly, not him. "Please forgive me. I didn't mean it, aru..."

What was I supposed to say to that? It was both our faults, but he was taking all the blame. It made me feel guilty. However, if forgiveness made everything go back to normal...

"Of course I forgive you, Yao-Yao!" I said and threw my arms around his neck. I felt his face heat up against my chest, and my grin widened. After a few moments in this embrace, I felt Yao struggle against my hold, and I reluctantly let go. He was flustered after my surprise hug, and averted his gaze in embarrassment while clearing his throat.

"U-uh, yes, good. BUT, you have to understand that I need to go to school, aru!" he said seriously.

"Da, I understand..." I said, also serious. "I'll miss you, Yao-Yao..." Yao's face fell into a guilty expression.

"I-I'll be back every afternoon! It's not like I'm leaving forever, aru. Also, school doesn't start for a whole week! You worry too much..."

While his attempts at making me feel better only worked a little bit, I felt it would be best not to let him know I was still a little upset about the school thing. I just nodded and crawled into the bed, waiting for Yao to follow. He hesitated just a little bit before lifting the sheets and lying down next to me. I turned over in the bed so that I was facing his back, and smiled just a bit before starting to hum his lullaby as had become the bedtime routine. His breathing started to slow and soon he was fast asleep. My eyes fluttered shut as I whispered my final goodnight to his sleeping form.

* * *

><p><em>It<em>_'__s __white__… __again__…_

_ No…_

_ There he is, standing there, clad in his warm coats while I'm left to suffer in the cold. I knew it was too good to be true when I had gone two whole nights without General Winter infiltrating my dreams._

_ He's turning to me, so I brace myself for his usual putdowns and cruel treatment. He seems different this time, though..._

_"__Hello, __there, _Russia_.__"_

_ "My name is Ivan, Winter. I'm not afraid. Not of you." I'm telling him the same thing I've told him every time he's appeared since that first dream. His responding smirk is as chilling as the weather I'm standing in._

_ "Oh, but Russia, I think you are afraid. Maybe not of me, but you are afraid. I can feel it, deep in your heart. You forget where I come from. I know everything about you, including the feelings you harbor for that stupid Yao boy."_

_ "Feelings? What feelings?" He's confusing me. Yao is my friend!_

_"__Don't __tell __me __you're __actually __stupid __enough __to __not __notice __the __way __your __heart __beats __so __quickly __when __he's __around! __You __admire __him __so __much __as __well. __You __think _he _is _beautiful. _That's __disgusting __enough __as __it __is. __You __were __worthless __before, __but __this __is __a __new __level __I __hadn't __expected.__"_

_ "I love Yao, but not like that!" I say, but Winter is already brushing my comment away._

_ "Denial. Either way he's leaving you."_

_ "But he's coming back every afternoon! He'll be there for me, I know it-"_

_ "How do you know it? This could all be an elaborate lie he's made up, just to get rid of you. Admit it. You're nothing to him, and never will be. Release these ridiculous hopes you have and just give up living."_

_ "No! You're wrong! I care about Yao! I love him!"_

_"__Sure, _you _love __him,__" __He's __lifting __the __pistol __he __carries __beneath __his __cloak... __This __nightmare __will __be __over __soon..._

_ "…but nobody loves you."_

_ As expected he pulls the trigger on the gun, and I close my eyes to brace for impact..._

* * *

><p>I shot up from the nightmare panting and covered in a sheen of cold sweat. I grasped at my heart and felt the subconscious pain that lingered there where Winter had shot me in my dream. The final words he had said before finishing me off rang in my ears.<p>

_Nobody __loves __you._

That wasn't true. It couldn't be true. It was all just a cruel, sick lie. Surely Yao loved me. Perhaps not the same way Winter said I loved him, but he still loved me...

I had to make sure.

Without thinking, I shook Yao's sleeping form awake. This was something I needed to know now.

Yao mumbled some incoherent things in Chinese and yawned, voice heavy with sleep. Finally realizing where he was, he looked up at me, confusion written all over his face.

"I...van? What's wrong? Why are you awake, aru...?"

"Yao, do you love me?"

His eyes widened with shock and I thought I saw him blush in the darkness.

"I-in what way do you mean, Ivan? What's bringing all this on, aru?"

"I need to know, it's important!"

Yao flushed even redder than before and looked away. "Erm… I… suppose… as a brother or close friend! Yes, that's right, aru…" he said, never looking back at me. I let out a sigh of relief. I _knew_he loved me! Take that, General Winter!

"Yay~! I love Yao-Yao, too!" I whisper-spoke. I was still very tired. It was still dark outside, so I laid back down for more sleep. "Goodnight again. I love you!" I turned over and was about to let myself fall asleep when I heard Yao sigh.

"… Love you, too, Ivan…"

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><p>I learned something. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder.<p>

A week from then I was sitting all alone in the little living room, (consisting of a loveseat, two wingback chairs and a coffee table) anxiously waiting for Yao's return. He and Kiku left to catch the bus earlier that morning, but that had been only a little over an hour ago, and it was 8:15 now. Having already eaten breakfast, cleaned the kitchen, and gotten dressed, I couldn't think of anything else to do. Great, not only was I lonesome, but I was bored, too… Was this really going to go on for another six hours every day? I didn't think I would be able to stand it!

I stretched myself out on the loveseat so that my legs were dangling off the armrest with the rest of my body settled on the seat cushions. I stared up at the ceiling as if waiting for it to do something. Instead it just stared back at me. I stayed in that position for about five minutes before deciding to just get up and wander the house. There wasn't a television, ("We never watched TV anyway, aru.") and Kiku's laptop was strictly off-limits, but maybe there was something I had missed seeing in the weeks I'd spent here.

I strode through the living room into the kitchen that was connected (there wasn't a formal dining room, just a small round table in the middle of the kitchen) before turning back into the living room. There was the front door, the doors to the bedrooms, and the coat closet, but nothing I hadn't seen before. Having never opened the coat closet before, however, I decided now was as good as any to do so.

As I expected, there wasn't much to see when I opened the door. Coats, coats and more coats just hung from the rack. Some cleaning supplies were also stored in a bin on the floor, but other than that there really wasn't anything special about-

Oh? What was that? In the back of the closet hidden by the coats there was… a door? It was a very small door with just a latch to keep it closed, and no lock. I pushed some of the coats out of the way so I could crawl inside and open it. A blast of warm, stuffy air hit my face and I peered inside. The walls and ceiling of the space were covered in pink insulation that had small pieces floating around in the air, making my nose and eyes itch. Boxes were stacked with labels such as "Halloween" and "New Year's" written in bold black marker. I was about to leave when I saw a shoebox labeled "Yao's Memories".

Well.

Who could resist something like that?

I pulled the small box out of the dust and set it in front of me. It clearly hadn't been opened in a long while, since even the tape had started to get brittle and it was easy to peel it off. It opened up to reveal countless pictures. I picked the first picture in the stack and wiped the dust off. It was a picture of a tiny baby sleeping peacefully, swaddled in a red blanket. Its cheeks were pudgy and it had a shock of thick black hair atop its head. This was Yao-Yao from when he was a baby? My suspicions where confirmed when I flipped the photo to the back and read what was written there.

_Yao __Wang, __5__lbs, __7__oz. __October __10__th__, __1994_

He was so cute! I couldn't help but grin at the picture… Wait a minute… October the tenth? Yao's birthday was only a little less than a month away, and he never told me anything! I made a mental note to prepare something for him, and continued rifling through the photographs. I came across one with him opening a birthday present: a Hello Kitty plushie. He looked ecstatic in the picture. Most pictures after that, I noticed, he was clinging to the doll all the time.

There were so many pictures of Yao when he was young, but once he turned eight, the pictures dramatically decreased. The length of time between each picture grew greater and more noticeable until finally the last picture I saw of him was from when he was thirteen. Was this the time that his father had died and he had to start supporting both himself and his brother? That made sense to me at least.

I put the photos back in the box and pushed it back in its place. There was nothing to do to replace the mangled tape, though, so I just hoped that nobody would notice the next time this space was opened...

I backtracked out of the closet and made sure to put the latch back on the little door. That insulation was really itchy, though... it irritated my skin, and my nose was starting to run. _I __hope __I'm __not __allergic __to __this __stuff __or __anything..._ I thought. That would be very bad. I decided to take a shower, just in case. That would kill some time in my wait for Yao to get home. Actually, when I glanced at the clock as I passed the kitchen, I saw that it was almost one-thirty in the afternoon! The time really must have flown while I was in the mini-closet.

I took my shower, making sure to get all of the insulation off of me, and even had a late lunch. It would probably spoil my appetite for dinner, but I didn't really care at the moment. I settled for some cereal, and almost immediately after I finished cleaning up the bowl, I heard the front door unlocking. I excitedly bounded over to open the door for Yao. I wanted to ask him so many questions as soon as he got in the door. What was school like? Did he have a good day? Did he miss me like I did? I held back for the time being so that he wasn't overwhelmed, but I wanted to at least ask him one thing.

"Yao-Yao, you're back! How was your first day of school?" I asked cheerfully as he walked inside with Kiku in tow. The brothers looked tired, but Yao smiled up at me anyway.

"It was very busy. But it was good, I suppose. Luckily I don't have Im Yong Soo in any of my classes, aru. _That_ would have been terrible..." he said with a shudder, but then composed himself once again. "I hope you weren't too bored today. I'll have to find something for you to do each day so you won't be bored, aru..."

"It wasn't that bad. Though I think I have run out of things to do, da?" I said, thinking of the pictures. Yao nodded absently as he made his way over to the loveseat and collapsed, letting out a tired sigh. Kiku lingered for a few moments before shutting himself in his room.

"Ah, it feels good to just relax, aru... It's too tough getting used to new schedules." He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought he was asleep. I sat in the chair closest to where Yao was laid back and just watched him talk. "Hn... Not every day is going to be like this. Starting tomorrow I'm probably gonna have a ton of homework to do when I get home, aru. Homework and projects..." He trailed off and fell silent for a few minutes. I continued to watch him, the chance to soak in his every detail too tempting. I couldn't help it. He was just... beautiful.

My chest tingled at the thought. It was a strange feeling, but it wasn't like it was painful. It was just a warm and tight sensation I found myself getting whenever I looked his way...

"Well, I'd better start dinner, since it doesn't look like Kiku's coming out any time soon, aru." Yao said suddenly, and stood up from the loveseat to go to the kitchen. I followed him, not having anything else to do, and stood around near the counter to watch him work.

"What are you cooking tonight?" I asked when he got out the usual white rice, followed by some cabbage, beef, and other various ingredients. Finally, the famous wok was brought out and set on the stove burner. Yao began skillfully chopping and slicing the vegetables to be used in the dish.

"Ah, just throwing some things together in a stir-fry, nothing special." he answered distractedly, but I could see the way he was really focused on his cooking. He sure put a lot of effort into cooking something that wasn't anything special. I saw a lock of hair come loose from his ponytail and fall over his eyes, so I swept it out of the way back behind his ear since his hands were too busy. He looked up a moment, blushed, and mumbled "Thanks, aru..." before looking back down to his chopping. I let a smile pop on my face and stood back to let Yao focus again on his knife-work.

Yao was soon out of things to slice and mixed up a dark sauce to add later. He lit the burner underneath the wok and put sesame oil in the bottom, waited until it was smoking and then added the beef, searing it nicely. He removed the meat and put it on another plate for the time being, steam wafting up in wisps to the ceiling. Now he added more oil and some vegetables, putting in just a little bit at a time so he didn't overcrowd the wok. I could soon smell the more aromatic ingredients, like scallions, and that ginger he liked so much. The scent was diffusing through the whole house by this point, so it was no surprise when Kiku came out of his room and went to the fridge, getting out the soy sauce. Without a word, he poured a bit into the sauce bowl. Yao just chuckled.

"You know I already put some in, right, aru?"

Kiku didn't look fazed, and only gave a small smile.

"There's no such thing as too much soy sauce."

Yao put the meat back into the wok and heated it through once more before adding the sauce and serving it onto our plates. We sat at the kitchen table and set to eating the meal. It was the savory Asian cuisine that I'd learned to love in my time spent living with Yao and Kiku. Learning to use chopsticks hadn't been easy, but I figured it out eventually. We chatted about school a little bit. Kiku and Yao only had a few friends, but they were okay with that. I asked Kiku about how Heracles was doing, since I already knew him. He blushed a bit and answered that yes, he was doing fine. I wondered what was going on with them…

Soon we were finished with dinner, and I offered to clean up the kitchen while the brothers got ready for bed. I finished quickly and met Yao in our bedroom. He was already dressed in his pajamas and tucked into the bed. I grabbed some of my own pajamas and changed in the bathroom. I hummed as I returned to the room and got in bed with Yao.

"I've never heard that tune before. What is it, aru?" Yao asked. I stopped humming and tried to think of an excuse. He couldn't know what this song was really going to be for.

"Ah, just a little mindless humming. Don't mind it." I supplied, and yawned. Yao smiled next to me.

"Well, I like it, aru. It's cheerful." He yawned as well and snuggled into his pillow. I wrapped an arm around his shoulders. I softly sang his lullaby and felt him fall asleep against me. I sighed at his comforting warmth and buried my face in his hair.

"I missed you, Yao-Yao..." I mumbled, and was soon sound asleep.

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><p><strong>AN: Um... hi... *Shot so hard*<strong>

**Hey look, 4,254 words! Longest chapter yet! Does that make up for it...?**

**I am sooooooo sorry about the late update! I have no excuse whatsoever. I don't deserve my awesome readers... But don't worry, I'm gonna finish this, no matter how long it takes! *determined face***

**Seriously guys, I'm so sorry to keep you waiting. But thanks to the awesome people who reviewed last chapter (you know who you are... *shifty eyes*)**

**I really hope the next chapter doesn't take too long... I KNOW! If it does, please don't hesitate to spam my inbox with "FINISH THE DAMN STORY" and "HURRY UP AND UPDATE, WE'RE WAITING! D:" because in all honesty, I might forget O.O**

**Ah, who am I kidding. Nobody reads the author's notes...**


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